What does it really mean to cheat?? Everybody has constructed his or her own definition of what cheating and especially what being cheated on really signify.? For most individuals, cheating cannot be dissociated from the act of having sexual intercourse with someone outside of what is considered as the ?official relationship.?? But is that all?? This certainly sounds quite limiting.? There is so much more to cheating than catching your partner in bed with another man or another woman.? And the need to force the cheater to endorse all the responsibilities for his or her actions does not really solve anything.? As trivial as it sounds, in all two-way relations it takes two to tango.? However who is truly ready to admit it?? It certainly feels so much easier to put the blame on the one who seems to be at fault. ?This need to condemn is such a wonderful way to occult what needs to change urgently on an intrapersonal level.
:::? Is cheating a subjective notion after all?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to accuse someone of cheating?? Cheating is indeed an accusation that only a very few individuals are ready to assume fully.? To be judged as a cheater carries connotations that reflect everything that society despises the most, and therefore it is highly precarious to bear due to the shame and the embarrassment that it creates.? Furthermore, the infamous expression that stipulates ?once a cheater always a cheater? shows how difficult it is to get rid off this label once its presence has been deeply entrenched inside the minds of the accusers.? The cheater is chastised, castigated and often times excluded.? To understand the cheater?s motives is useless and a definite waste of time.? The mob condemns and there is nothing that can be done to change its mind.? But what does it really signify to cheat?? How does the accuser define what cheating is supposed to look like?
To cheat is a subjective notion in the sense that it is motivated by carefully assessed choices, which themselves are encouraged by series of desires that make a lot of sense to the person who decides to go there in the first place.? Society encourages the one who is cheated on to conclude that it can only be a reprehensible act for which a pardon is utterly?unacceptable.? ?Never forget, never forgive and never trust again? is the motto.? Now, is cheating solely about infidelity or extramarital affairs?? Most people would like to think that it is the case simply because it is convenient.? It is indeed more comfortable to construct judgments that are used to label others than it is to take a blunt look at one?s own choices and at all the ramifications that those choices generate.? Most individuals cheat on themselves every single second of the day and they certainly do not want to admit it.
What does ?cheating? mean to you?? What tangible signs or actions do you need to witness, so you can assuredly accuse someone of cheating?? And does it tend to be about cheating in general, or is it always about someone who is cheating on you?? If your partner is having sex with another individual, who should be blamed, if anybody?? Is it him or her for sharing intimate moments outside of your relationship, or should it be you for staying in a relationship that is obviously not functioning harmoniously?? If there is a systematic refusal from either one of you to work on creating a healthy relationship, should anyone be blamed for what is going on?? No one puts a gun to your head and forces you to maintain a relation that is working so poorly.? And yet, does your choice to maintain the status quo at all costs give you the right to point fingers, so you do not have to look at your very own choices?
::: ?In your mind, when does it become cheating?
What must happen, so you can assuredly conclude that your partner is cheating on you?? In your eyes, when does the cheating start?? Is it when you become suspicious, when you are able to collect series of tangible proofs, or when you finally catch him in the act?? There are women who feel betrayed as soon as their husbands or boyfriends look at another woman on the street.? Now, would you feel dismissed if your lover were to go to the museum and admire the naked body of a woman painted by Matisse?? Absolutely not!? And the reason is that sex with a woman who is taking a suggestive pose on a canvas is impossible, since she is painted on a canvas.? Anything that suggests that sex can become a possibility must be suppressed at all costs, simply because sex is often times source of major upsets and personal insecurities.? Thus the simple look at another woman?s rear creates successions of assumptions that all lead to the same conclusion: this pig wants to have sex with her!? It is not real.? Instead, it is entirely constructed on false premises, which are based on the personal insecurities of the one who instigates the series of assumptions.
If you know your partner better than ?just? that, can cheating enter the realms of what is possible?? Most men and women do not know who they married because they initially committed to the relation for the wrong reasons.? At the time, they only saw what they wanted to see, while dismissing all the rest.? And today the rest continues to be occulted purposely, because it would be way too disturbing to acknowledge it.? That?s the ?too late anyway? factor.? Well, if you are in a relationship and you do not know the man or the woman who wakes up every morning besides you, it is definitely time to pull the alarm and look at the seriousness of the consequences that can arise from your choices.? To say one day, ?I didn?t see it coming!? is not acceptable.? It means that there are realities that you undeniably refused to know about your relation, your partner and foremost about your own self.? If you are truly secure with what you are and your partner?s intentions, will you suddenly crash if you catch him watching pornographic contents on-line or sending text messages to another woman?? No, and you may not even be in this relationship for starters.? However, a great majority of women will indeed crash, because they are unsure of the environment that they have created around them.? This is the surprise factor that should never exist.? This is a reflection of the total lack of awareness with which the partnership was originally created.? So, intrinsically, whose fault is it, anyway?? Remember, there are no victims?
::: ?Ultimately, is cheating on yourself totally acceptable?
Most people absolutely refuse to look at themselves.? The choice to look at oneself in the mirror is an exercise that can be so brutal that it is often times avoided at all costs.? It is in fact unpleasant to bluntly see your shortfalls and limits, because it gives you no other choice but to feel wrong.? And who is truly ready to admit that he or she has made a bad choice with consequences that have generated intense horrendousness?? Ego is what prevails, and for that reason it is considered easier to find refuge inside one?s own lies and certainties.? Your choices condition your life.? Your poor choices condition how dreadful your existence is, whether you are involved in a relationship.? To constantly focus on another person?s issues prevents you from seeing clearly where you are standing in your life at this very moment.? How convenient too,?isn?t?it?? It certainly necessitates fewer efforts to label and punish others for their actions than it is to be bluntly honest with oneself. ?Isn?t?it how you were programmed to think, anyway?
When you purposely elect to wrongfully report your income to the IRS, you shortchange the federal government.? That is a fact.? But ultimately don?t you cheat on yourself by minimizing your professional accomplishments as well?? That is another fact.? As a result, do you punish yourself for that or do you take pride in your ability to be able to hide parts of your revenues?? The former would make of you a masochist while the latter would make of you someone who can play the system.? So why would you not acknowledge that your partner who is cheating on you by having sex with another person also has the ability to play the system?? But this time, it is your system that is being played!? Double-standards are extremely precarious because they give you no other choice but to punish someone else for what you are doing yourself.? Of course, there is no sex involved while filling your Form 1040, so it must be different!? It is different only if you decide that sex is the sacrosanct limit beyond which cheating becomes a reality.? The problem is that it opens the door to all forms of?exaction?that do not include sex, and it excuses them.? You will not excuse the partner who is sleeping around, however you will excuse your behavior even though the result is the same: everybody is cheating.? To cheat is cheating, regardless of what it is.
Folks who know that they have disappointed themselves in any shape or form are likely to bury the harsh reality as deep as they can, so they never have to look at those changes that are utterly required in their lives.? And the best form of distraction that they use to do so is to condemn those who commit the exact same type of actions in substance.? It is greatly hypocritical and it also depicts the way society works.? It also shows that people who are inclined to judge others in reality project judgments they have of themselves.? And this is a crucial point.? The husband who judges his wife for having cheated on him actually judges himself for having been asleep in his relationship before it happened and while it was happening, until he discovered the upsetting truth.? The entire responsibility can only be shared.? But who is ready to recognize that?? People would rather spiral down together by blaming each other than being honest with themselves and each other, so their relationships can finally become productive, harmonious and somewhat conscious.? The challenge is that it is not common practice.? It goes against all the precepts to which most people have been subjected since they were born.? They have observed their parents embrace series of counter-productive conducts?and they have elected to duplicate them, because this is all they know.? This is a challenge that is definitely worth undertaking because it has the propensity to be life-changing.
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Honesty starts with your own self. ?It is very difficult to require from someone else to be honest with you if you are not fully honest with yourself. ?By choosing to be honest with yourself, you uncover uncomfortable truths that are not easy to process and eliminate. ?However would you want to live your entire life dragging such a toxic emotional baggage? ?It is just a choice?
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